Sword Dudes Are something and I’ve Had gender With all of of Them

It really is per night in April 2013, I am also planning to enter a guy’s western Hollywood bedroom after our very own next time. This man’s room is actually a basement, and, walking on the gray carpeted steps I think of pivotal range from the 2007 flick

Zodiac:

“Not many individuals have basements in Ca.” I’m not sure what kind of individual would decide to hole up in a basement, but when I enter this man’s, We see a slew of tools: a cane blade, a few daggers, a Freddy Krueger glove.

This man’s cellar space is merely full of weapons. Instead of switching around and walking away like other folks would when faced with a lot of in private possessed tools, I go, “is the fact that a Klingon Bat’leth?” Since this is me personally today. I’ve accepted my personal fortune as Hana Michels: more about local woman to fuck the Sword Guys. (as much as i can inform, a Sword man is actually a person just who accumulates swords, prices swords, or provides actually used the term “respect the knife.”) I spent three-years of living with a person the master of a Klingon Bat’leth. And a cane sword. And a Freddy Glove. And lots of daggers. In fact, if you come across a sword guy in a huge seaside town, you should know that I’ve had sex with him.

We truly believe there’s no better demo of sexism within community versus simple fact that we speak about cat girls although not sword dudes (and that I usually do not mean to disparage either). This might be despite the fact that the changeover inside sword-guy way of life is actually swifter: A woman has to have, let’s imagine, a lot more than three kitties before her pet possession turns out to be a lifestyle declaration and folks deem this lady a “cat girl.” However if a guy simply mounts an individual katana on his wall structure he could be stating, “That’s all, this will be me personally now.” But we never explore sword men?

We regularly consider this is because blade guys only exist about Coasts, plus Middle America “sword guys” are “gun men.” But my personal sword-guy stand-up content went more than really well in Arizona this year, and lots of for the sword guys I connected with are transplants just who took their swords with them on the trip to either Coast. Positive, sword-demo YouTube videos appear to be filmed from coast to coast and also the blade
subreddit
appears popular through the entire globe. Sword men tend to be a proper class of men and women — we simply aren’t making reference to all of them. We think cat girls have actually “given right up,” but a man whose bed room is littered with guns remains super-inviting. Believe me, because I apparently find them super-inviting.

You simply can’t only spot a sword man regarding street (unless you’re myself), because sword guys don’t possess many unifying faculties. Unlike “gun men,” sword guys don’t seem to own any political thinking in accordance, unless “swords tend to be cool and I also fancy cutting through plastic bottles” is actually a political opinion. You might believe all sword men tend to be nerds, but this is not true. They may be nerds, they may be jocks, they could actually a hybrid of the two.

Sword dudes aren’t necessarily social outcasts, possibly. They just have buddies that are cool with hanging out around a bunch of swords. Typically, they’re white guys enthusiastic about Japanese culture, but this is simply not a guideline: My personal ex because of the Bat’leth was not (though he had been completely a white man with black presented glasses, considering that the best consistent for the sword man is precisely the same as the uniform of this Zodiac Killer). Indeed, the thing I’m able to state sword guys have commonly is certainly not caring whether or not the times they buying believe they are a serial killer. Additionally, they prefer swords i suppose.

Unlike you, i will detect blade guys without actually ever having seen their own swords. Recently I connected with an individual who’d heard my personal sword-guy jokes and stated, “don’t be concerned, We have no swords. BY-THE-WAY LISTED HERE IS SOME SHARON TATE’S FIREPLACE I RECENTLY HAPPEN TO HAVE.” You are sure that Sharon Tate! From CHARLES MANSON MURDERING HER! God, kindly I would ike to return to sword guys.

If you should be probably screw a lot of sword guys it is vital to understand which blade men are now worth screwing. I have determined a hierarchy of sword dudes also it goes the following:

Chap with replica swords from pop-culture things the guy loves.

He is objectively cool. He may also make these swords from scratch for cosplay functions, that’s an actual expertise. I’ll take a Star Trek Bat’leth over a QVC katana any day. This guy understands just what he really likes and then he’s not afraid to show it. Fuck yeah.

Chap with typical swords.

Every man with an everyday sword starts with the exact same “limited edition” (note: “limited model” indicates nothing) QVC/eBay katana. Katanas would be the Bulbasaur of blade getting, and also this man really wants to end up being an actual blade master. He may or may well not generate YouTube demonstration video clips in his Karate Gi playing unknown steel songs.

Chap just who keeps a dagger under their pillow for “protection.”

RUN, RUN, operate, RUN FROM THIS man. Additionally if these guys worry about safety really HOW COME IT DO NOT HAVE CONDOMS?

After connecting with a lot of blade dudes I made the decision I’d better start exploring sword-guy tradition. An excellent starting point learning about sword guys is always to sort “my katana sword” during the YouTube look bar. You can use anything from sword unboxing, weapon-collection overviews, to my favorite: dudes slicing circumstances within their backyards, once more, often over material songs. There is no scarcity of white dudes in Karate Gis right here. Several of these movies reveal people testing and hammering their unique swords so that people determine if they may be a worthwhile acquisition. Although I’ve not witnessed a sword guy in fact make use of their blade for not decoration, THEY ARE ALL PREPARED TO. And they will reveal as a result. Right before making around.

You will see the casual sword woman in your sword-guy video search. Never study her opinions. If there’s something I learned about sword culture, it really is that sword ladies have earned a lot better than the YouTube remarks they have (and therefore white everyone is obsessed with Japanese weaponry). A different way to learn about sword-guy culture is view an inordinate amount of QVC. I would suggest carrying this out from a medical facility bed, which means you don’t feel terrible about viewing an inordinate amount of QVC. Take note that, as worthwhile sword man will say to you, most of the swords on QVC are overhyped. But that is the type of QVC that is certainly why is it very fun to watch from your own medical center bed and/or California basement bedroom filled with weapons.

The greater amount of I delved into an online sword-guy rabbit hole, more we noticed the industry of sword people is just too diverse and I haven’t any wish of unifying and comprehending it, it doesn’t matter what lots of sword dudes I meet. Every sword man varies. While some positively have dreams of keeping damsels in distress and you ought to surely keep away from those ones, other people just think their swords seem cool, or are actually into

Game of Thrones

. Some swords tend to be holdovers from childhood, other people tend to be lifelong collections.

I have been undertaking some sword-guy jokes in my stand-up act for more than per year today and much more often than maybe not some dude pops up for me following program and claims “which is me!” or DMs me a photograph of his sword. These dudes are so excited to understand they are not by yourself. Plus they aren’t. The world of blade men is actually varied, but every sword man stocks a standard background. Since they’ve all had gender with me.